WASN’T THAT CUTE?
WASN’T THAT ADORABLE?
MAKES ME WANT TO CRY!

Well, not really.

ALTHOUGH I MUST SAY,
IT’S NOT QUITE IGNORABLE
HOW ALL THIS FANCIFUL TALE MIGHT APPLY...

Let’s deconstruct, shall we?

A heroic but sad tale! What does it all mean? With a
wizard who obviously represents somebody...

WRITERS HAVE A WAY TO GIVE THEMSELVES ALL THE GLORY.
THEY PUT A CHARACTER LIKE THEM IN THE STORY,
SO NOBLE AND GOOD.
AND, OF COURSE, HE’S MISUNDERSTOOD!
ALL OF THESE CREATIVE TYPES HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO,
SO IN THE PROCESS OF CREATING THEY LEARN TO
EXPRESS THEMSELVES THROUGH
A CHARACTER CALLED MARY SUE.

Mary Sue, noun – a character representing an idealized
version of the author!

OH, MARY SUE, WHY DO THEY EXCLUDE YOU?
“WELL, THEY JUST CAN’T SEE PAST MY EXTERIOR.”
OH, MARY SUE, WHY DO FRIENDS ELUDE YOU?
“MAYBE IT’S ‘CAUSE I’M MOR’LLY SUPERIOR!
I’M SMARTER THAN THEY ARE,
WISER THAN THEY ARE,
KINDER THAN THEY ARE,
BETTER THAN THEY ARE!”
THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!
OH, MARY SUE...

And if I may now draw your attention to the bovine herd
usually referred to as “the townsfolk”...

CREATIVE PEOPLE THUNDER AT THE LOSERS AROUND THEM,
WHOSE BRAINLESS BIGOTRIES COMPLETELY ASTOUND THEM.
IT’S TERRIBLY TRITE:
THE POPULATION’S NEVER BRIGHT!
THEY'RE IGNORANT BUFFOONS BUT HE IS THOUGHTFUL AND
PENSIVE!
(IT KINDA MAKES THE WRITER SEEM ALL DEFENSIVE.)
SO GIVE ME A BREAK!
HE’S THREATENED – BUT WHAT’S AT STAKE?

OH, MARY SUE, WHY DO THEY IGNORE YOU?
“WELL, THEY DON'T GET ME, WHICH MEANS THEY FEAR ME!”
OH, MARY SUE, WHY DO THEY DEPLORE YOU?
“FEAR LEADS TO HATE, SO THEY WON'T GO NEAR ME!
I’M SMARTER THAN THEY ARE,
WISER THAN THEY ARE,
KINDER THAN THEY ARE,
BETTER THAN THEY ARE!”
THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!
OH, MARY SUE...

And these two people, the man and the woman with frizzy red
hair. Why so specific all of a sudden? Tell me, Mary Sue,
who’s got frizzy red hair...

AND WHAT DID THEY DO TO MAKE YOU
END UP LIVING LIKE THIS?
WHAT DID I MISS?

Wait a minute...

WERE THESE FOLKS YOUR PARENTS? DID THEY BEAT YOU OR
HURT YOU?
MAYBE YOU HAD FAM’LY, BUT THEY CHOSE TO DESERT YOU!
THIS WORLD THAT YOU BUILT
COULD BE A MASK FOR GUILT!
MAYBE YOU’RE ASHAMED BUT I BELIEVE IN COMPASSION!
WHERE I COME FROM, FAIRNESS HASN’T GONE OUT OF
FASHION!
THERE’S SOMETHING BEHIND
THE CRAZINESS IN YOUR MIND!

OH, MARY SUE, DID SOMEONE ABUSE YOU?
WHAT’S IN YOUR PAST? WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
OH, MARY SUE, I SHOULDN’T ACCUSE YOU
SINCE I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR STORY’S MADE OF...
IT'S DARKER THAN I THOUGHT,
MORE HURT THAN I THOUGHT,
BLEAKER THAN I THOUGHT,
DARKER THAN I THOUGHT...
THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!

And the only way it’s ever going to heal is if you get
help! And I’m going to help!

AND SO I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT!
‘CAUSE WHAT ELSE CAN I DO,
MARY SUE?